Control

One thing I have learned about myself during this adoption process is that I don't like it when I don't have control of a situation. I never knew this about myself before. I thought I was a laid back kind of person. Never did I realize how upsetting it could be to not know what the day has in store or when things are going to happen. To have to put your trust in another person or people that you don't really know is scary. When completing an international adoption, you have to trust the people you are paired up with in country to be honest and to do the right thing. You have to do this while not really knowing what's going on. It's hard! It's scary! And, you do this without the support of the people at home that make you feel stronger (yes, they support you/ me, but they aren't HERE) than you probably really are. I say this not to scare anyone away from adopting internationally, but to prepare you. You HAVE to learn to hand it over to God, and learn it well! I'm still learning this little trick, and I know this whole process would be much easier if I could hand it to Him and leave it with Him....problem is, I keep taking it back. So, the truth is, I shouldn't be putting my trust or faith in these paople I barely know, but I should be placing it with God. I should be trusting Him to pair me with people who are trust worthy. I think He did. I like to think everything is on schedule and going as planned, but I just don't know. But, I am trying really really hard to have faith and trust in God that things are on schedule. I have to let go and be okay with the lack of control. That's really hard for a mom, I'm used to controlling the day...what happens, when it happens, and who it happens with. Not here, not now, I have no control!